It's been over 5 months since Zee last blogged for Between U and Z.. This post has been on my draft for so long, I meant to publish it months ago.. Sorry! Haha..
Anyway.. This was a "blog request" from our dear friend- Celine. We've all had petty fights with our "other half" and most of the time, it starts out from something small and then gets worse kase sometimes yun isa, wala sa mood at mabilis maasar. :)) So without further ado.......
I've been very graciously asked to give a guy's point of view about those pesky fights that every couple in a relationship goes through.
Well, as annoying as those fights may be, solving them is sort of like graduating. The feeling is a collage of relief, satisfaction, frustration and hope.
So here we go...
... And God said thou shalt not argue with thy boyfriend! If this was true, my life would be a lot simpler than it is... but also a lot more boring. I've always been attracted to girls with a lot of spunk! I wouldn't want to be going out with a "yes" girl... You know the type right? The kind of girl that just cant say "no", the same kind that cant think or stand on her own. So yes, I think arguments are a healthy part of every relationship. And like everything else in this world, petty fights and even all out war has a beginning. In medicine, we're trained to rule out the most common cause of a problem first before we think of more complicated and uncommon reasons. I guess the same is true here. From my experience. I think the most common cause of any argument is a simple misunderstanding. And in most cases, this can be cleared up in a matter of minutes just as long as both people keep their cool and are not afraid to talk to each other. When Honey and I have petty fights, we usually resolve it as fast as we can before it turns into something bigger and gives birth to something ugly.
And into the garden a serpent did crawl...
A lot of times no one really does anything wrong, but we do things that irritate or frustrate our significant other. Sometimes arguments begin because of a third party. Now I'm not saying this has to be a person, it could be anything. But who are we kidding? Most of the time it is another person. We've all felt it, dont deny it. Jealousy is a real bitch... and it bites like one too. Jealousy is one of the most common reasons for "premature" break ups, bad endings and bitter feelings. But remember, jealousy is just the tip of the iceberg. That means there's always something else beneath the surface that is actually the root cause of the problem. Whatever it may be, insecurity, lack of attention, or even if you yourself cheated on your partner, you're better off fixing your petty little argument by addressing the root issue. After all, the snake may have tempted Adam and Eve to eat from the forbidden fruit, but it was curiosity that actually killed the cat.
Respect, Honor and Courage
Those 3 words are my favorite words in the English dictionary. As a matter of fact, my first name means "courage" in Arabic. And although I do my best to live up to my name, there are times I admit I fall short. So I pick myself up and try not to make the same mistake twice. You might be wondering how these 3 words are relevant to this topic... Well allow me to break it down for you. Whether you're married or not, it doesnt really make much of a difference. RESPECT your partner. Honey and I have had countless fights but no matter how big or small they were, or how angry we were at each other, we never cursed at each other or called each other derogatory terms. I'll be honest here, very few people can piss me off like Honey does. But you see, that's how I know I love her so much, because no one else can get to me like that. This is how I know that she matters to me that she affects me in a great way. Whatever differences we may have, it is my obligation to respect my partner. That goes for you too! Next, honor, a word that's hardly used today and even less understood. If honor was a super hero, PRIDE would probably be his arch enemy. No Sir, being prideful is not the same as being honorable. But I cant take credit for this one, it was Honey that made me realize this. There is no room for pride in a relationship. In an ideal world, arguments and conflicts usually end in compromise. Life on the other hand, is more twisted. Sometimes I dont always win the fight and sometimes I might actually be wrong (this doesnt happen every often just so you know). So at the end of the day, it is more honorable to accept your mistake, apologize and humble yourself. Lastly, courage. Its not about jumping into a burning building to save a kitten. Its not about throwing the first punch in a bar fight or about fighting a 300 lbs woman to get my girlfriend the hand bag she wanted (I actually did this, and it took every ounce of courage I had!). Sometimes, courage is simply about being willing to listen to what your partner has to say, no matter how ugly the truth my be. Its about opening yourself up to your partner and letting her know exactly whats on your mind. That "lone wolf - keep my feelings to myself" image is so cliche and... and... and... and... EMO! Trust me on this one... EMO IS NOT COOL!
When everything comes full circle
When its all said and done, whatever caused the argument might not even matter any more. Its true what they say... if it doesnt kill you, it'll only make you stronger. Remember, anger might destroy everything around you, but bitterness is the actual seed of destruction that eats you up from the inside. So I guess if you're still awake and reading, you'll know not to end any argument with feelings of bitterness. This one works really well, and before you know it, big problems dont seem so big anymore. When you're both calm again and look back at what happened, you'll see that beneath all the shards of glass, broken dinner plates, torn pages from photo albums and underwear stuck to the wall, there's actually a lesson to be learned. Every petty little fight or large scale nuclear disaster always has a lesson to be learned. When you've finally picked it up, realize what it is and grow from it, thats when you know you've won the fight... despite the outcome.
So there you go, that's my take on petty fights... Sorry it took you a week to read all of this. While I was writing all of this I could actually see Honey's eyes roll over at how long this is. If you think about it, everything I said is actually pretty basic. No fancy words or concepts here. So I guess thats my last piece of advice for anyone that reads this. When all else fails take a deep breath, calm down and start from the beginning. You'll find that things have a way of getting all convoluted on their own without your help. So it really helps to keep things as simple as they should be. So the next time you have a fight, keep your head on straight, think with your head and feel with your heart (people often confuse the two) and above all dont be a PETTY BETTY!
Thanks Celine for the blog request, its nice to know some one reads my crap... Haha. Take care and more power to you and your boy!
I'll end this post by quoting Dr. Wayne Dyer, from his book Excuses Begone!
"You hear people say this all the time: "I have a right to be upset because of the way I've been treated, I have a right to be angry, hurt, depressed, sad and resentful." Learning to avoid this kind of thinking is one of my secrets for living a life of inner peace, success, and happiness."
"You practice FORGIVENESS for two reasons: to let others know that you no longer wish to be in a state of hostility with them and to FREE YOURSELF from the self-defeating energy of resentment. Send love in some form to those you feel have wronged you and notice how much better you feel."